By: O.L./Sway Buckley
I grew up thinking sarcasm was cool.
Eventually, I learned how sarcasm is used as an advantage when arguing. Iconic movies like Pulp Fiction were cast with super witty, humorous actors who all used sarcasm to draw the audience's attention.
While in High School, I aimed to use sarcasm strategically. I wanted that image of being intelligent and witty.
It worked in the cafeteria, locker room, and bus, making me popular.
Who doesn't want to be known for being funny and clever? So I continued through my 20s and 30s, thinking sarcasm was an asset for winning.
Sarcasm doesn't work in marriage when a disagreement is brewing.
Sarcasm does not only deflate your spouse emotionally, but it can also be demeaning.
After years of cultivating sarcasm within, I struggled to temper my sarcasm and not make it a weapon. When we use sarcasm as a defense mechanism, we tell the other person we don't respect them.
The workplace is no doubt rife with sarcasm. Conference rooms, breakrooms, and sales meetings are all places where sarcasm symbolizes wit and intelligence.
As marriedpreneurs, working together with your spouse-sarcasm severs the culture.
The aim as husbands should be for us to foster healthy communication where both parties feel respected and speak honestly. Regarding sales, customer service, administrative duties, and the myriad of other tasks-healthy communication is vital.
If we feel we're being asked a "stupid question," the proper response isn't sarcasm. Every marriage has its own culture and cadence.
I get that.
However, like a scratch beneath the surface, sarcasm will subtly sever the threads of healthy communication if not acknowledged and tempered.
Two questions I ask myself when talking shop with my wife:
First Question: what is her state of mind when we're communicating?
Second Question: what is my state of mind when we're communicating?
If she's feeling excited or serious- I respect her mood and match her tone. Well, as best I can, in keeping with my personality.
If I'm annoyed, I know I'm prone to sarcasm to cope with being annoyed. So I've learned to pause and say, give me a moment.
Sarcasm severs, while self-awareness saves the mood.
If you want support in cultivating healthy communication that promotes productive communication and productive days (as you two build the business), schedule a marriedpreneur success-mapping session with us to discuss how we can help!
Here's to living purposefully, powerfully, and profitably in sync,
O.L. & Sway
O.L. is a former banker turned real estate consultant and entrepreneur. Sway is a former CEO of a staffing firm she started on her dorm room floor to pay for college. Together they co-own Marriedpreneur Life Consultancy, equipping faith-based married entrepreneur couples with high-level systems to scale (without strain). They're the creators of the Marriedpreneur Operating Systems and the co-hosts of The Marriedprenuer Life Podcast, which was praised as one of Wedding Wire's top relationship podcasts. Learn more at MarriedpreneurLife.com.